everybody hates locks...

salutations on this friday on which i finally get paid. this whole "we gon' pay you one time every month" thing is just impossible for me. i need a second option.

i feel i must comment about a facebook status update that i made about my dear friend, beloved roommate, and even at times like a younger brother...eric. i'm not a celebrity or anything, so it should be noted that i don't have to qualify anything negative about him with at least 3 positive things. i can just say whatever the hell i want...and i will...because that's what i do...best. here's the backstory: in this apartment there are 3.5 people living here. i live here, eric lives here, scott lives here (though some might have never known...), and scott's fiance' is here quite a bit. scott's room has a "secret" entrance through which he and "wifey" come and go. therefore, they never use the front door. eric and i, however, do. so, i can break down the percentage of things now. get your damn pencil and paper out; let's do a little math...

given that there is a 100% maximum...i would say that the door is locked approximately 94% of the time, and of that 94%, 29% of the time the deadbolt is also in play. that leaves a measly 6% of the time that the door is not unlocked. now, about 4% of that time is spent in limbo between the times that someone comes home and, you know, unlocks the door to get in before closing the door and relocking it. sometimes the door is unlocked to go and check the mail, or to make a quick run to the car. that leaves us with a scant 2% of plain foolishness...have you met my good friend eric???

every now and then i will get home and accidentally lock myself out because i thought the door was already locked, but really was not. and every now and then i will wake up and go outside to do something...i don't know...get a breath of fresh air. and there, to my shock and horror, was an unlocked door! imagine my surprise when i found out that eric was also in the apartment...asleep! now, i am a reasonable person. i understand that things happen and sometimes people may forget to do certain things. i have left hot chicken grease on a stove and gone on to take a 3 hour nap. i have broken dishes. i have tried to serve obviously undercooked BBQ chicken. but i have NEVER left the door unlocked. each of the 3 times it has happened, i have almost had a heart attack. hell, anybody could come in and do who knows what.

i consider myself a very shy and non-confrontational person. i have a mama for stuff like that. so each time i've never made much of a big deal out of it. i am, unfortunately, the kind of person who will internalize something and always keep it in the back of my mind, then become slightly passive-aggressive. i'll blawg about that sometime, but not now. that's about 92% of the reason for that particular facebook post...

the other 8% comes from the horrifying fact that i have been locked out of my own apartment...by eric! of that 29% of the 94% of the time the door is locked with the deadbolt, i have tried to enter my premises and been denied admission 8% behind that damn deadbolt. do i live with scaredy cats? a thousand times no! eric is by far the tallest asian i have ever met in my life (i suppose he's around an even 6 feet, while i remain in the upper 5s). whether or not he is just a tall scaredy cat is unknown to me. he isn't overly aggressive unless we are playing "smash bros." and then it's more of an overkill type thing. and scott is no punk. what are they so scared of encountering that would force them to lock that deadbolt when they know that i, the fearless leader, am not there yet? ugh, it makes no sense to me!

so that is the reason behind the facebook post about which i was asked to blawg. of course if it ever happened again i don't know if i would really kick eric in the teeth. he's got too nice of a smile.

fin,

-w