everybody hates laundry... (part ii)

sorry about that, folks.  i had to wait a good long while before i had enough time to myself to continue blawging.  to be honest, i really haven't had the passion for blawging like i used to, which i guess could be attributed to pure laziness, or perhaps a complete sense of apathy on my part.  i've recently come to the conclusion that i just don't wanna do this anymore.  it's really quite sad.

anyway, back to the great laundry caper of 2012.  the last time we left the scene jerome and i were on our way to the bank and he was getting an innumerable amount of texts about a laundry card.  well...and this is just ridiculous...jerome was supposed to have been using the card that wanda bought because he gave her two dollars to put on it.  wanda had received the money from him, but never put it on the card, which could put her in the position of a thief in certain cases...this being one of them.  however, let's not forget that wanda had thrown extra money on the card just in case someone else needed to do laundry.

i think i should try and mention all of the people who had some sort of stock in this damn card...

1. wanda
2. jerome
3. tootie
4. jeanette
5. kwame
6. "patty" (another newbie who has throat problems)
7. "blossom" (yet another newbie)
8. twilight
9. katy

those are all the ones of which i can think right now.  i can't really count all the people who have a claim to use the card because there are so many that i can't count them all.  i only know of a few.  in fact, i think that wanda and i are the only ones who have laundry cards at all.  i know i used mine, and the rest of the staff here uses hers.  that could be a large part of the mystery.

so...as jerome and i are driving, the texts that he's getting are saying something along the lines of, "the card's here when you're ready to use it; you just need to put money on it."  the next text is reading, "so-and-so is using the card right now."  it was pretty much a tennis match of texts that went back and forth.  he was asking why, and the replies were not giving the answers he needed.

meanwhile (and this happened before jerome and i left for the bank...i'm skipping around as i remember things like a terrible quentin tarantino movie), kwame (who's also my roommate) wanted to do laundry.  although he claims to have had stock in wanda's card, i have reason to believe that he really just had his word to go off of instead of any actual money, because wanda had not received any money from him.  i had two dollars on my card, and told him that if he wanted to use it, it was fine.  he said okay, and i gave him the card.  before i left with jerome, i gave kwame two extra dollars and asked him to put it on the card when he went, because i could foresee myself needing to do laundry later down the line.  he took the money and i left with jerome to go to the bank.

so the story starts to come together.  the back story is filled in a little bit more.  jerome and i are en route to the bank, and he's getting random texts that go one way, then twist and go a completely different way.  i'm starting to wonder why he even involved himself in that pyramid scheme anyway.  so here's where the story gets a little more complicated.  i told jerome that he could use my card, to which he replied:

jerome: yeah, i think i'm gon' do that because this craziness right here don't make no sense...

we got back from the bank and went into the lobby of the dorm, where a few people were, including kenan, who is coincidentally as ignorant as the day is long.  that's right...he's twenty-four hours' worth of ignorant.  i don't wanna digress too much, though.  jerome is looking for wanda to make sure that he still has money on his card.  he didn't wanna use my card just yet because he still had (to the best of his knowledge) two dollars on the "community card."  if you want my opinion, that thing was more of a "chance" card from monopoly because you never knew who the hell had money on the card.

after at least twenty minutes of searching, he finally found out that wanda did not even have the card.  it had been passed to jeanette, who had already used it to do laundry for her, katy, and twilight.  patty and blossom had also already used the card.  the only person who had not used it (to my knowledge) was kwame.  well, apparently, kwame was running some laundry card game.  he had gotten a hold of wanda's card, you know, because he claimed to have put money on there.  remember, though, he had my card as well.  so kwame is sitting pretty with two cards, both of which had money on them.

jerome: where's your card?

me: kwame has it.

jerome: kwame?  why does he have it?

me: i gave it to him because he needed to do laundry.

jerome: but he had wanda's card.

me: he did?

jerome: yeah, so you're saying he has two cards?  what the hell he gon' do with two cards?

me: do twice as much laundry?

jerome: man...

it finally came to the surface that kwame did indeed have two laundry cards.  jerome had finally given up on getting wanda's card, and started looking for mine.  meanwhile, he was also looking for his two dollars back because, well, he was entitled to it.  we finally found kwame, because jerome was determined to get to the bottom of the situation.  he was in the lobby.

jerome: say, who card you got? (jerome, unfortunately, had a slight stroke which destroyed the part of his brain that controls grammatical correctness)

kwame: wanda's.  why?

jerome: you don't got wesley's card?

kwame: no, i don't have it.

me: i'm gonna have to call BS on that.  i gave you the card before we left to go to the bank.

kwame: oh yeah, i didn't use it.

jerome: well who card you use?

me: yeah, whose card did you use?

kwame: i used wanda's because i had money on it.

me: where's mine, then?

kwame: i don't have it.

me: but i gave it to you.  i don't have it, which must mean that you still do.

kwame: oh yeah, it's in the room where you left it.

me: (sigh)

i pick on kwame a lot.  i mean, why not?  he's like a little brother.  it's his first time here, and my third.  i feel like it's my job to guide him along and help him out, kind of like how james did with me two years ago.  by the by, i'm going to see james at the end of the week.  i'm so excited i'm going to use an exclamation mark!

so anyway, jerome and i went back to my room and finally found the laundry card.  i gave it to jerome, and he did his laundry.  kwame did his laundry.  my laundry was already done.  every other person who laid stake in wanda's card got their laundry done.  and the caper was solved...kwame tried to steal and extort laundry cards.

sidebar...i had to almost use the same move i used on kel a year ago to get my two dollars back from kwame.  i believe it was move #33, but i could be wrong.  i've learned so many more moves since then that it's hard to keep up.

kwame's having a medical situation,

-w

everybody hates laundry... (part i)

good grief.  the worst thing to happen here at NYSP has finally happened.  the great laundry caper of 2012 put a great many staff members here in a state of complete and utter disarray.  well...i think before i get into the details of the caper, i have to introduce more of these zany characters with whom i work.

the characters involved in this silliness include:

• jerome - who played the part of the detective
• "kwame" - a newbie who's from ghana/new jersey who also happens to be my roommate here (as if i wasn't old enough for that kind of sh*t)
• "wanda" - another newbie who kind of sits in the middle of this whole caper
• tootie - a supporting character
• jeanette - another supporting character

well...as i understand it, things have been going wrong ever since we stepped foot on this godforsaken campus of unc-chapel hill.  i mean, damn, these belligerent, pretentious, uppity students and staff at this school have done everything in their power to ensure that the experience that we have here is as unpleasant as possible.  their latest scheme has to do with their laundry machines.  apparently, they have laundry machines here that don't take money...at all.  i mean no dollars, no change, no credit cards, none of that.  instead, you have to get a guest card (a one card) that you must then put money on in order to use the washing machines and dryers.  the caveat is that the store is not only the size of the distance between kenan's ears, and as wide as jakob, but it is open between the hours of ten in the morning and ten thirty in the morning.  finding this place is like finding the proverbial needle in a field of haystacks.  tootie and i were lucky enough to find this place the other day, and i purchased one of those one cards.

so this thing started when we all arrived to the unc campus.  i, of course, was completely unaware that we were gonna be here.  the last two years that i've done this in north carolina, we've been at wake forest university, which had problems of its own, but being here makes wake forest seem damn near like utopia.  remember the whole wingate thing?  we had to hike to the street, catch two cabs, a bus, and a train, then rent bikes to get to wingate from our rooms.  that distance is a hop and a skip compared to what we have to do here.  even adding the "jump" makes the distance from our room to wingate much longer than it actually is when compared to what we do here.

anyway, in wanting to do laundry, wanda went out and bought a one card.  she seems to be a pretty nice lady, so she bought the card with the intention of passing it around for others to use, so she put more money on the card than what she needed.  others who wanted to use the card just gave her money and she would go to the one card store (since it is impossible to find if you haven't already done so) and take care of it.  well...everything was going well and fine for a while, until that inevitable time came when multiple people decided that they wanted to do laundry at the same time.  in a perfect world...hell, in any normal world, this wouldn't really be much of a problem.  the obvious choice would be for all those involved with laundry to just go in, slish the card for each machine, and have them do their laundry.

this is happening in my world, though, and as we all know, nothing ever goes the way it's supposed to in my world.  what had happened was something along the lines of this...

(insert law and order dramatic jingle)

saturday

10.31a - wanda uses the card to start laundry

10.33a - i wake up

10.36a - kwame snores himself awake...announces to the world he wants to do laundry...i ignore him

10.49a - i take jerome to the bank to cash a check that i should already have gotten myself, but that's another story...

10.55a - as we are driving, jerome is getting texts back and forth about wanda's laundry card that he's supposed to be using that day

so, this officially marks the beginning of the great laundry caper.  of course, at this point it's not much of a caper, because it's not that big of a deal to anyone yet.  but as time progresses, we find out that the caper begins to unfold more and more...

more later, this girl "tomika" won't get away from me and it's blocking my inspiration to blawg.

stone her, stone her,

-w

everybody hates stick bitches...

got damn right.  i'm gonna have to go a little out of order for this one.  i just got wind of this just a while ago, and thought it very pertinent that i should interject this into the blawg.

apparently i've been called something along the lines of "intimidating" by one of the students...to the point where this particular student feels uncomfortable being in my group.  one of my bosses, called "connie," came and spoke to me about it.  she was talkin' 'bout this girl (who will be called "jackie") who honestly doesn't do anything i ask her to do...unless i repeat it at least fifty times.  and hell, even then it's a coin toss with a fixed coin to see if she's actually going to do it.  don't get me wrong; she's a smart girl.  but damn, what the hell is going on with the quality of this program?  i started doing this program three years ago and the kids at that time were great.  they were kids who were nominated to be here by respected members of their communities (teachers and what not).  they were excited to be here, and it showed in their enthusiasm and willingness to work, as well as their unnecessary need to follow every single direction given to them.

these damn kids now...i think we've run out of those kinds of kids.  really.  we've run out.  we're fresh out.  the kinds of kids we get now are smart...book smart, that is.  they don't really have a lick of common sense.  they are just regular kids, not the exceptionally bright and ambitious kids who used to frequent this program. somehow, this has turned into the internationally diverse version of a minstrel show.  we, the "teachers," have our hands full with trying to deal with these sh*ts.  they constantly do things that regular kids who would never get a recommendation to come here do.  again, we've run out of good kids.

so then, what brings me to this soap box rant that has superseded a blawg post that i had planned?  this jerk "jackie" has told my boss some things about me that have been taken out of context (of course, because telling the actual events would have been too much like right) and i've come out once again looking like the bad guy.  don't get me wrong; i love to play that part when it comes to children.  i think i've mentioned it before in a previous blawg, but i think now's a good time to re-emphasize it.  it is not in my nature to cater to the whims of children.  last time i checked...i was the adult and adults tell children what to do.  i don't think that i will ever tell a child to do something that will intentionally put him/her in danger (unless i feel the need to).  i think i'm digressing...it's getting late and i'm getting tired.

i haven't been getting the sleep that i've been getting.  i had worked myself in the past to a point where i could get everything prepped and ready and be in bed in time to get me a good eight to ten hours of sleep.  i had everything down to a science, a science.  remember, when you're really wanting to emphasize a point you have to repeat it.  you just have to repeat it.  now i'm finding myself in a position where i feel like it's my very first time doing the program.  i think it's because not only did i not want to come this year, but i'm doing a subject that i have never done before.  i've become an NYSP virgin, lol.  so i'm constantly walking around this inanely huge campus setting up stuff that i don't really know about, and trying to understand what the hell i'm trying to do.

i digress.  because speaking of trying to do things, this girl jackie has been trying to get on my nerves.  in addition to her not doing what she's been asked to do, she has some weird obsession with sticks.  i mean sticks like from outside.  every time we go outside she finds a large stick, picks it up, swings it around, and investigates it like a bird.  everyday this week so far, she has taken sticks and followed those procedures.  yesterday she had a branch.  i know it was a branch because it had twigs and each twig was full of leaves.  i simply had to stare at her.  i didn't say a word; i just stared.  finally, after a few minutes she asked why i was staring.

me: baby, if i'm looking at you crazy, it's probably because i've asked you to leave the sticks alone and you keep not leaving them alone.

so anyway, connie tells me that jackie has been telling her mom these things that make me sound much worse than i really am, and that bothers me.  it's a pet peeve of mine when people come to me charged up and i have no clue why, especially considering that things have been said about me that are either untrue or taken completely out of context.  damn i'm tired; i can't hardly think straight, lol.  so connie told me that jackie might be moving to tootie's classroom, to which i calmly (yet excitingly) replied, "move her."  i ain't got no time (sic) for anymore buffoonery than what i'm already dealing with this week.  it's already a sh*tty week here in general anyway, so what good is it to add a silly ho into the mix?  move her arse, dammit, move her arse.

i told connie that my feelings were not gonna be hurt if she moved because, honestly, i have better things to do than waste my time on ignorant b*tches whose sole purposes in life are to be trippin'.  connie said that she wants to ask jackie one more time if she's sure that she wants to move.  i don't have time for that...again. if she wants to move, if she even has an inkling that she may possibly be thinking about trying to want to move, move her arse.  tear her arse.  kick her arse.  but don't keep her in my room if she's going to be "uncomfortable."  it wouldn't be right.  and besides, we might actually get work done.

this blawg makes no sense.  maybe next time i'll be in a better state of mind.

sierra mist is really good when it's been doctored up,

-w

everybody hates being dragged back...

damn, it's been a long time, hasn't it?  so much has happened that i was practically cajoled into blawging.  the funny thing, though, is a whole bunch of ish has been going on at the school, and i swear to all that is holy that i will try and get that blawged, including the student who stole money from me.  yes, the students who stole money from me...twice.  it was hilariously awful, and i couldn't really do much besides laugh about it.  once you get the whole story, you'll laugh too.  that i promise you.

anyway, here i am, back doing this summer program that i had resolved not to do this year.  i'll give you a minute to go back to the blawgs written about this same time last year to re-familiarize yourself with the ridiculous cast of characters that you were subjected to...which could be thought of as unfortunate.  so go ahead; i'll wait.

waiting...




still waiting...




don't worry; i'm still here...




you shouldn't be much longer now...




and...done.




so now that you've relived the glory days of this particular summer camp as i have, let me give you a low down of who returned, as well as some new characters.  first of all, i must STRESS the fact that i did not plan on doing this road trip/work job.  no, i did not.  my original summer plan for the 2012 year was to do p90x and get myself in better shape.  oh yes, i need to...badly.  my resolve was to make a successful transition from XL shirts to L shirts.  i was well on my way when tamera (of tia and tamera, the doublemint twins) called me out of the gray (because it was raining hard that day) to get me to drive to north carolina for the camp.

actually, let me go a little further back.  i started getting random texts and facebook messages from jeanette (remember her?  she has an unhealthy obsession with beef hearts) quite a while ago saying that i needed to come to north carolina.  it was a multiple time thing.  this girl kept reminding me that i was absolutely needed at north carolina, like i'm some kind of savior.  now don't get me wrong...i'm a pretty big deal almost everywhere i go, but it was a little bit much.  then jerome, of all people, started texting me.  it went a little something like this:

jerome: man, i don't know why they think i'm like the trump card that can persuade you to work this year.
me: lol.
jerome: i know man.
me: lol.
jerome: so are you coming?
me: lol.

when it comes to jerome, he's got some swagger with me, so i started considering it.  let me introduce the fact that i had a lot going on this summer.  i had my plans for the summer set, but this whole NYSP thing got me all out of sorts.  can we add something else on top of that?  i moved...or rather, i'm in the process of moving.  my volleyball buddy, matt, had a kind of a situation with his roommate.  i was having a situation with my roommate, it's a long story.  long story short...i ended up moving out of my comfy townhome apartment into what i can only call the halfway house.  i only call it that because the actual apartment we're moving into isn't ready yet, so we've gotta stay in matt's old apartment until it's ready.

needless to say, i had to drop out of p90x after a month...again...

so anyway...the current roster of buffoons here is quite different from what it has been in the past.  some of the returning characters include jerome, who is probably the main reason i came (which could possibly end up ultimately being his fault...i'll explain later).  let's see, jeanette is here.  jakob is here, but only when he's not turned sideways from you.  then he disappears.  yes, folks, he's that thin.  tootie is here as well.  unfortunately, she has not grown.  she's a very straight up 4'9"...from the rooter to the tooter.  kenan, of course, is here.  kel, on the other hand, is not in attendance this time round.  well a good blawger knows how to work his sources...  apparently (and imagine that i'm saying this in an honestly sincere voice) he is moved to california doing modeling/acting work.  i wish him the best.  it just won't be the same without him.  it's like mario without bowser.  it's like austin powers without dr. evil.  batman without the joker.  professor x without magneto.  you get the picture.  shirley is here as well, although laverne is missing in action.  also missing are stallone and shania.  everybody remembers those two cute mary-kate and ashley olsen-ish girls who everyone stared at, as well as stared at.  it's funny because they've been replaced by two look-alikes, who i guess i'll call "twilight" and "katy."  more on that later.  let's see...who else is here?  "mia" is here as well.  i don't think i ever mentioned her last year.  she usually flies under the radar, which is why i guess she never made it on here...but dammit she's earned a place on here this go round.  why?  oh...more to come.  well, i'm being harassed by jeanette to publish this thing so i'm gonna end this for now.

damn i'm tired,

-w