i hate to inform you that this is gonna have to be another quickie. it's past midnight and i need to be in the bed now, but i have to get this out before it gets too old too quickly. i promise i'll get to everything that there is to mention, but this is buffoonery in one of its highest forms...
i didn't know that i was going to be caught smack dab in the middle of the great ice war of 2011. it was a typical late night. i was lucky enough to be "invited" by kenan to the room of shania and stallone (they're roommates here), where a few people were just hanging out. in the room at the time were shania and stallone (of course), kenan, tia, and tamera. because kenan was there, so was kel. come to think of it, i don't think i've ever seen one without the other nearby. which reminds me...people have been asking about this whole animosity i have towards kel. they want to know if it's real or made up. well, i can say that everything mentioned on this blawg is accurate. as for the underlying reasons, there is one. but not tonight. this is supposed to be a quickie.
anyway, shania, stallone, kenan, kel, tia, tamera are in the room. jerome came in for a bit, but left upon realizing that he was without his phone. we rely too much on our cell phones these days, if you ask me. meanwhile, "tyrone" was there as well. he's a guy who works here and has a very similar face to someone who was here last year. he's quite funny, and a little intimidating to many people, but not me. there was also "fred" and "barney" in attendance. fred and barney are like a more modern version of kenan and kel, but they're a little more independent. i've seen them separately on many occasions. they're also quite funny, but that's for another time...and boy, is that story funny. on a sidenote, i've been called a "slanderer" by barney. just thought i'd mention that so that i could make time for a full rebuttal...to come at a later time.
what happened was really quite simple; we were all sitting around, listening to the n*gga music that kenan (and by association, kel) likes. there are two full size beds in their room. i was on one, along with shania and kenan. barney, tyrone, and stallone were on the other bed. there was a small table at which tia and tamera sat. everyone else had gone at this point. while kenan killed our brain cells with his n*gga music, somehow a single, solitary, lone piece of ice flew through the air. it was like slow motion. it arced gracefully in a beautiful parabolic curve and kind of ricocheted off of tia's forehead. i have to take time out to say...i have a big forehead because my hairline is receding. i've accepted it. tia's head has been described (not by me, but by others) as "damn, she got a big arse head." so it hit tia's forehead and shattered into millions of tiny fragments, one of which i think got me in my eye. she was already a little sleepy, and possibly nodding off as it happened. she was in a daze when she realized what had happened. i saw the whole thing; i know who did it. kenan and barney kept egging her on about it, so she started to get at them. kenan, who is known for being a habitual sh*t talker, was teasing the most, talking about he didn't throw that ice. barney was a little more low key about the whole situation, although he did throw his two cents in every now and then.
i don't know if tia was upset, but if her finger in your face is any indication of her level of anger, i'd say she was trying to drive that finger through someone's skull. she waved it with much conviction. she was whispering sweet nothings at both kenan and barney, because she wasn't sure who did it. again, i know who the real culprit was. tamera was sitting there laughing, as we all were, and that's about when the sh*t hit the fan.
ice from an ice bucket began flying across the room, like all of a sudden we had been thrown into the middle of afghanistan. i quickly hid under some pillows that i had snatched from behind kenan. stallone and shania were being used by kenan and barney as human shields. tyrone couldn't stop laughing. all of this happened in the blink of an eye. i didn't know what to do. and then the ice was gone. tia had pretty much gone around the room and threatened anyone who has a connection to ice that she would cut their arse. i didn't want my arse to be cut. i like my arse the way it is...well, i guess it could be a little more firm. i should exercise more.
i used to do p90x, the workout thing, but i had to stop because i was getting up at five in the morning to do it. with school and volleyball and stuff going on, i just had no time in the day to get it done, so the early morning was the only time. it worked out for about a month, but it was taking a toll on my sleeping schedule. my body needs so many hours of sleep per month, and if that quota is not met, bad things will happen. long story short...i stopped, although i plan on doing it again. i've gained a few pesky pounds since i've been gone from home. funny what three consistent meals a day will do to you.
wowsers, digression. so, the great ice war of 2011 may go down in the history books as one of the coldest wars ever fought without a clear winner. it was borderline epic. the only thing that would have made it great would have been to have stallone and shania take the thrown ice and rub it all...let's just say that they should've taken the ice and put it in their drink cups.
nice cover,
-w
No comments:
Post a Comment