everybody hates dookie...

first thing first...i'm off of my semicolon.  turns out i've just been sick.  i still can't really smell anything except for really strong odors, but for the most part it's hard to smell most things, which isn't necessarily bad.  i've had the sniffles as well, which could also have been a factor in my less than normal mood.  my kids this week have unfortunately gotten caught in the midst of all this.  oh well, their fault for getting in the way.

speaking of not being able to smell anything...i was in my classroom this afternoon with the kids.  the way it works around here, there are kids who stay in the place with us (residential scholars) and kids who don't (day scholars).  the day scholars leave at five o'clock, and the residential scholars stay and we have an hour to hang out with other groups and just do teambuilding games and other ill sh*t.

we get paired with random groups every day, and thank my lucky stars that i was paired with jerome and his group.  so we were in my room (because jerome's classroom is smaller than a breadbox) playing these games.  on a sidenote, i've noticed that kids these days play the most violent games ever.  here are the games we played: "mafia", "bang", "assassin", and "cops and killers."  do you see a pattern here?  i mean, what the hell ever happened to good old games like "tag" or "hide 'n' go seek" or "duck, duck, goose" or "red rover"?  there's a certain level of violence that kids seem to have to have in order to remain entertained.  back in my day, we didn't have a need for such violence.  the most violence we had was making someone "it" in tag.  things have changed since the 80s and 90s.  my kids are gonna stick to the old school classics.  bet.

i digress.  so jerome's group and my group are in there playing these games.  tamera had brought me a can of febreze earlier for some reason.  foreshadowing, perhaps.  i always welcome the opportunity to make something smell better, even if i can't smell it.  i put a lot of stock in febreeze and glade and air wick and other smell goods.  i sprayed it into the air conditioner so it could travel throughout the room.  word gets out fast, because shirley came and borrowed it.  anyway, while we were playing a game, jerome stepped out for something, and we kept playing.  he came back into the room with an expression on his face that i hadn't seen in quite a while.  he told me that a "scholar" (and at this point in the game, we have to use that word extremely sparingly) shat on herself in shirley's classroom, which is right next door.  i just had to look at him with a crazy expression because these kids are fourth, fifth, and sixth graders.  they are too damn old to be doing that.  it did, however, explain why shirley had come into my room for the febreeze earlier.  i told jerome that i couldn't believe it, and he told me to go and see for myself.  i gathered myself and walked next door...

%$#@(&!$#

that was the only thing that went through my mouth.  i just walked in laughing.  shirley was looking at me, wondering why i was laughing...like she didn't know.  you could literally smell both the febreeze and the dookie.  it was like two strong odors battling for the title.  if my nose was out of order before then, it sure opened up like the red sea after going into that room.  the febreeze went into one nostril and the sh*t went into the other one.  and the strangest thing was that the girl was apparently still sh*tty.  as it was told to me, this happened at least a couple hours before.

PAUSE...

how the hell could a person go that long with dookie all up in the crack of her arse and not say anything about it.  we must first analyze the facts.  this is the national young scholars program.  the kids have to be nominated by teachers or other rocks of their community to be here.  that means that they are supposed to have common sense, good sense, book sense, and just be total nerds.  that's the way it used to be around here.  now they just let anyone in who has two thousand dollars.  how the mighty have fallen.  it's not the national young ruhtards program.  it just doesn't add up.

we must then look at the fact that this girl is around ten years old.  how could you do something like that and not be still sucking on your mother's breast and wearing diapers?  ten is a little too old to still be doing this...and not be in somebody's special ed class.

then let's look at that fact that since this poor girl is a socially and academically competent person, she chose not to say anything.  now, there is a maybe one millionth percent of a chance that she is the kind of person who is that shy.  since she's been nominated to be in a program such as this, i doubt it.  everybody here knows how to talk.  even if she is "shy," she couldn't make the choice to go to the bathroom and at least wipe some of it off?  insert gag here.

this is the kind of buffoonery with which we have to deal here.  kids that don't have home training, kids that are ABT but whose parents are quick to claim ADHD, kids who need a belt put to their arses, kids who aren't playing with a full deck, kids who are overly immature, kids who are so big that they probably applied to work here but didn't get picked so they just decided to come as scholars, kids who are ignorantly ghetto, and kids who sh*t on themselves.

shirley, needless to say, has been put on the prayer list for the time being.  she may have the rest of the febreeze from my room.  i will not object to it at all...that is, unless some ignorant f*ck decides to try that in my class.  that's when the sh*t will really hit the fan...pun intended.

the best week ever continues,

-w