okay, am i the only one around here who says "excuse me" when i'm trying to get by someone? actually, let me rephrase that: are grown ups (in general) the only ones who say "excuse me" when they're trying to get by someone? i find it quite disturbing that children (ages 9 - 12ish) don't know how to walk by people. here at the wake forest (i sometimes like to put a 'the' in front of somewhere to really mean it), the cafeteria is...sordidly arranged. there are random stations for everything everywhere, so that you have to walk from end to end just to put together a decent meal.
so, i'm walking from anywhere to anywhere, and there are all these camps here at the same time (volleyball camps, football camps, golf camps, tennis camps, church camps, miscellaneous camps, etc.). these crumbsnatchers are everywhere you look, and they don't bother to look where they're going. i literally have to play freeze tag with myself because at any given moment i'm stopping because some ignorant child has walked across my path like a black cat...
speaking of which, after that happened one time today, i went to put a roll in the toaster machine. it's one of those high fallutin' gadgets that's got a conveyor belt that takes your bread on a heated journey through a sort of furnace, then drops it below to a fun-filled slide where it makes its way back to you to pick up...piping hot by the way, so that you can burn your damn fingers trying to get it. well, i put that roll in the oven...and the sh*t caught fire. smoke was virtually billowing from this thing and i'm looking around like, "please, don't notice me," which was pretty hard to do since i was pretty much sending smoke signals to the world. it finally slid out...black as leo scott (so dark that not even light itself can escape). i couldn't leave it there, so i had to take it. needless to say, it did not taste good.
i digressed. so these damn anklebiters are everywhere in this chaotic mess of a cafeteria. i said freeze tag earlier, but now that i think about it, it's a million games of chicken. and i lose every time. why am i always the one to say "excuse me" and then sashe' my arse out of the way for a child? last time i checked, i was a grown man. have children all over the country been exposed to ABT? parents hang on to that ADHD garbage, but it's really ABT? for what does it stand? "ain't been taught." the cure...TTAU. for what does it stand? "tear that arse up." well, no more; come tomorrow, somebody besides me is going to have need to be wanting to try and think about practicing learning how to excuse him/herself because...well...let's just say there might be some "cleanup near the salad bar"..."cleanup near the beverage station"..."cleanup near the toaster machine, and who burnt some bread?"..."cleanup near the pizza stand"... yeah, i'm declaring it. i'm claiming it. i'm calling it. instead of me simply saying "excuse me" and then chickening out, i will rather prompt the other person with "excuse you" when s/he cuts in front of me unexpectedly, and if s/he doesn't get the picture...street wesley will kindly offer a free lesson from the school of the hard knocks. paint your own picture... updates to this to follow as they arrive.
you know, this blawging this (for now) is quite relaxing and therapeutic. but i really think that kenan is on to me. every time we cross paths, he rolls his eyes at me. and if you happen to know him, you know that it takes an ENORMOUS amount of effort for him to do that. those binoculars of his are larger than life. i need to think of a plan to shake him off my trail. and now i suspect that others are on to me as well. if anyone has any plans, please put them in a comment...i can't afford to go on the run because NYSP isn't paying us until fall 2012...
speaking of which, kel tried to get fresh with me today. i was minding my own business, getting some root beer (because i love me some root beer), not bothering anyone, and he was over there monitoring the scholars (it's exhausting calling kids something that they may not be, by the way). out of the blue he says, "hi wesley." i had never been so insulted in all my life. i see right through his sarcastic bullsh*t. what he meant by that was really this: "you want a piece of me? because if you're coming, come on. speak on that, $%#%#@$%." i did what anybody in my position would have done...i waited until we were somewhere inconspicuous, did move #23, and ran away before i could be identified.
move #23 is a simple yet effective maneuver that can be used to lower a person's morale, while simultaneously causing bodily harm. here's what you do. you wait for them to walk somewhere. when you suspect that they're not paying attention to you, you extend a foot (preferably your dominant foot) and trip them. here's the tricky part. as they're falling, use your stronger hand to push them downwards as they're falling to accelerate the whole process. that prevents the person from trying to recover, and your point is then proven.
he went down like holyfield when tyson munched on that ear. i don't like when people play like that. i think he learned his lesson, but that kel is a stubborn one. i suspect he'll try something else in the near future, like wave at me or even (insert gag) smile. please don't make me pull out move #19. dear lord in heaven, please don't bring out move #19. i'm getting too old for that one, but he may leave me no choice. has kenan been secretly manipulating kel into instigating this war, thereby making him the instigator? i'm going to have to go undercover and pose as huey to get the inside scoop. all i need is to go to the pet shop to get some mice to chew on my hair...scratch that. domesticated rodents won't get the desired effect. i need to snatch some wild rats from the woods. then i could fool anybody into thinking i was huey. i've already been mistaken for him thrice. don't worry, those poor unfortunate souls are no longer with us, courtesy of move #11.
how have i allowed my aggressive side to overtake my passive side? i need to get back in balance with myself before i return to dallas. between being called huey, this utterly pointless war with kel, kenan's eyes (and height, or lack thereof), tia and tamera's lackluster spades skills, and a slew of other things, i'm surprised i haven't just broken out into song.
deliriously drifting to sleep,
-w
18 July 2011
17 July 2011
everybody hates being patronized...
well i guess i should've seen it coming. for some strange reason, i put myself into a situation where i confronted kel, stallone, shania, and allie about not speaking when we had first seen each other about a week ago. i didn't mean to; it just happened. in case you're wondering what the hell i mean, just look back to an earlier blawg. what, you thought i was going to retype all that stuff just because you're too lazy to do your research? i think you'd know me better than that. anyway (i digress), it of course went something like this:
me: you didn't speak when you first saw me.
kel: yes, i did.
allie: yes, i did.
stallone: yes, ah did. (she's a little bit country)
shania: yes, i did.
me: shania, you did speak to me.
why do people automatically go on the defensive when you tell them about something that they did that they know they did but vehemently act like they didn't do it? is the pain of being busted so deep that it cannot be remedied? does it leave an emotional scar that runs the length of the US/mexico border? so then i have to go through the exhausting chore of reliving moments in my life i'd rather not relive by reenacting these scenes that cause so much heartache...
me: stallone, you talked to jerome for seven minutes before realizing i was in the room.
me: kel, you saw me first, but proceeded to talk to jerome for ten minutes before coming back to me.
me: allie, you looked through me to get to jerome, then said hello on your way out.
me: shania, we've always been the moral center of our group.
maybe not exactly like that, but not far off. i understand and accept that jerome is at least forty-two times more popular than i am, and god punished me by making me his roommate, but talk about not feeling any love. maybe i should've just kept my mouth shut, because i'm non-confrontational. sometimes you just don't feel like fighting someone just to prove a point that they're going to deny. i don't feel like fighting stallone, i don't feel like fighting allie, i really don't feel like fighting kel (he wouldn't last fourteen seconds), and shania...she's brilliant.
so anyway, after all this drama went down, kel decided to do what people like him do. he walked up and...pause for dramatic effect...spoke to me. and he shook my hand for about two minutes as he continually greeted me. well, being the person i am, i let him do whatever it was he thought he was accomplishing and mentally kicked him in the chest. don't patronize me. この野郎、俺様だってなめるなよ。i don't look like it, but i have the ability to drop anyone right where they stand. i just always choose not to exercise such power. i'm kind like that. stallone spoke to me today, as did allie. most people can be taught. for others...bitches be trippin'.
meanwhile, the scholars came today. the first day is always awkward, especially if you're in the section that supervises the kids while they're still rolling in, which just happened to be my spot. good god, why had thou forsaken me? for the most part it was cool, but i was worn out before it was over. my group is twelve strong, and i can already tell that there may be some friction between a couple of them and me. the sitcom that plays in my head is going to have a major ratings boost this week. tomorrow the real fun begins with the class stuff.
kenan is on to me. i think he suspects that he is being mentioned in this blawg. he's as vain as he is short. in fact, he's so vain, he probably thinks this part is about him...doesn't he? don't you, kenan? silly child, he'll never catch on. for someone with such a huge eyespan, he's surprisingly unobservant. i kid...i think.
by the by, if you ever come across apple crisps, don't ever try them. use them as coasters. use them as pet food (sparingly). use them as packing material. use them as fertilizer. use them in arts and crafts. use them for anything but a snack. i tried one and ended up spitting it back into the bag. aw man. no more for me. is there such a thing as meatatarian? i don't eat fruit...not anymore after being subjected to those things. that's okay, shania, you didn't know. you're still brilliant.
now, my classroom is as far away from my living quarters as geographically possible while still staying in the state of north carolina. it's wingate hall, or as i like to call it...wingate, nc. it's incredibly far away from everything. it's so far that our radios won't get reception there. it's like being marooned on an island with apple crisps as our only means for survival. hello, left arm...you're looking mighty tasty all of a sudden. these apple crisps will make for a good fire to roast you...
we (all the facilitators sentenced to that...location) all got together and put together a list of things that we decided that we're going be needing in order to stay alive. i can't remember the entire thing, but the ones that i do remember are:
me: you didn't speak when you first saw me.
kel: yes, i did.
allie: yes, i did.
stallone: yes, ah did. (she's a little bit country)
shania: yes, i did.
me: shania, you did speak to me.
why do people automatically go on the defensive when you tell them about something that they did that they know they did but vehemently act like they didn't do it? is the pain of being busted so deep that it cannot be remedied? does it leave an emotional scar that runs the length of the US/mexico border? so then i have to go through the exhausting chore of reliving moments in my life i'd rather not relive by reenacting these scenes that cause so much heartache...
me: stallone, you talked to jerome for seven minutes before realizing i was in the room.
me: kel, you saw me first, but proceeded to talk to jerome for ten minutes before coming back to me.
me: allie, you looked through me to get to jerome, then said hello on your way out.
me: shania, we've always been the moral center of our group.
maybe not exactly like that, but not far off. i understand and accept that jerome is at least forty-two times more popular than i am, and god punished me by making me his roommate, but talk about not feeling any love. maybe i should've just kept my mouth shut, because i'm non-confrontational. sometimes you just don't feel like fighting someone just to prove a point that they're going to deny. i don't feel like fighting stallone, i don't feel like fighting allie, i really don't feel like fighting kel (he wouldn't last fourteen seconds), and shania...she's brilliant.
so anyway, after all this drama went down, kel decided to do what people like him do. he walked up and...pause for dramatic effect...spoke to me. and he shook my hand for about two minutes as he continually greeted me. well, being the person i am, i let him do whatever it was he thought he was accomplishing and mentally kicked him in the chest. don't patronize me. この野郎、俺様だってなめるなよ。i don't look like it, but i have the ability to drop anyone right where they stand. i just always choose not to exercise such power. i'm kind like that. stallone spoke to me today, as did allie. most people can be taught. for others...bitches be trippin'.
meanwhile, the scholars came today. the first day is always awkward, especially if you're in the section that supervises the kids while they're still rolling in, which just happened to be my spot. good god, why had thou forsaken me? for the most part it was cool, but i was worn out before it was over. my group is twelve strong, and i can already tell that there may be some friction between a couple of them and me. the sitcom that plays in my head is going to have a major ratings boost this week. tomorrow the real fun begins with the class stuff.
kenan is on to me. i think he suspects that he is being mentioned in this blawg. he's as vain as he is short. in fact, he's so vain, he probably thinks this part is about him...doesn't he? don't you, kenan? silly child, he'll never catch on. for someone with such a huge eyespan, he's surprisingly unobservant. i kid...i think.
by the by, if you ever come across apple crisps, don't ever try them. use them as coasters. use them as pet food (sparingly). use them as packing material. use them as fertilizer. use them in arts and crafts. use them for anything but a snack. i tried one and ended up spitting it back into the bag. aw man. no more for me. is there such a thing as meatatarian? i don't eat fruit...not anymore after being subjected to those things. that's okay, shania, you didn't know. you're still brilliant.
now, my classroom is as far away from my living quarters as geographically possible while still staying in the state of north carolina. it's wingate hall, or as i like to call it...wingate, nc. it's incredibly far away from everything. it's so far that our radios won't get reception there. it's like being marooned on an island with apple crisps as our only means for survival. hello, left arm...you're looking mighty tasty all of a sudden. these apple crisps will make for a good fire to roast you...
we (all the facilitators sentenced to that...location) all got together and put together a list of things that we decided that we're going be needing in order to stay alive. i can't remember the entire thing, but the ones that i do remember are:
- oxygen tank
- passport
- change of clothes (in case of wedding...to be explained later...)
- immunization records (current)
- deodorant (the stick, NOT the spray on)
thinking about it, we need to add a few things, like customs forms, hydration stations, a monorail (that would really help), and a scale to measure our weight loss to and from there. when moses told pharoah to let them people go, i don't think they walked quite as far as we have to do...and they at least had manna falling from heaven. what's gonna fall from the sky for us...apple crisps? i'll take a first class ticket to hell if that's the case.
out for the nite like a lite.
-w
15 July 2011
everybody hates spades...
have you ever played spades with black people? actually, have you ever played spades with some n*ggas? there is all kinds of foolishness and buffoonery and n*gga sh*t that goes on during a game a spades. and the strangest thing is that it's all part of the show.
huey and i played against tia (or tamera...they're twins) and her partner, "goliath," who is new here. he's actually quite tall at 6'5". he's to me what kel is to kenan. anyway, let me set the scene first so that you will be in the right frame of mind. before playing this "power couple" we had been playing against kel and his partner "jakob" (who is new to me but not this program). kel is white and jakob is black, and jakob just did not have the ability to compensate for kel's blacklessness. sidenote about kel...never mind. anyway, the way they were playing was unknown to me. instead of keeping score, it was just like whichever team got the most books won that game, and it was the best of seven. in addition to that, the two of spades was suddenly higher than the ace, but lower than the jokers. it was weird for sure. i prefer milk straight from the cow...but i adapt. so huey and i beat the sh*t out of those two cats and that was that.
then twin and goliath tried their hands. we all know that according to the law of averages, you win some and you lose some. we won some before them, so it was just our turn to lose some. if you ask either of them, they will spin you a ridiculous rumplestiltskin web of lies that makes them seem like they whooped our arses. it's simply not true. we barely lost, three games to their four. they happened to have good hands while ours were less than spectacular. considering how bad our hands were the entire time, and the narrow margin by which they won the whole game...i think we all know who the real winners were. if not physical, it was a personal moral triumph. and even then, we allowed them to think that they won to shut them up and give them the satisfaction that they so desperately needed. that, and i didn't want goliath to climb down the beanstalk and wreak havoc. so there's what really happened from a completely neutral perspective.
speaking of morals, i've realized that i am the moral center of all the groups to which i belong. slowly, through much observation, i am finding that there are others here who are of a sound enough mind to be in that group. jerome is of course in the group, as is shania. i mean c'mon, we've always been the moral center of this summertime group. whenever kenan (who actually is very hilarious...like kevin hart, but much much MUCH shorter...i'm gonna buy tickets to his comedy show) or tia/tamera or stallone or any of these other nudnicks get into their crazy shenanigans, we always manage to catch each others' eyes from across the room and shrug. because we're moral...that is why we shrug. it's a fact. if you're reading this and you're here and you've always wondered why, now you know.
the last day of training is tomorrow, as mentioned in the previous blawg, and then the real fun begins. for some reason, though, it's just not the same this year. last year i had "james." james was deceived by my uber-calm demeanor last year and got the first impression that i was cold and hard to befriend. we ended up being BFFs, and i expected him to be back this year. he informed me at the eleventh hour that he wasn't going to make it. for a while i did not want to come back if he wasn't going to be here. life would be pointless. we go together like whop-baba-loo-bop-a-whop-bam-boom. it was epic, our friendship. i'll see him next weekend though. i finally broke down and told him that i secretly sneak into his house at nite while he and his wife are asleep and teach their newborn baby (my godson/nephew) three things: volleyball, japanese, and dry wit.
that was a digression; i was supposed to be talking about the real fun beginning. but i've forgotten about whatever it was that was supposed to be, so i guess i've done all that i can think of for now. more new characters to come.
oh yeah...funny story before being out. yesterday during training, this girl, who we can call "wanda," randomly got up and walked across the room (this is while training is going on) to kill a bug. and how. she stomped whatever it was so hard; i think it registered as a 2.5 on the earthquake scale. i can't really tell though, but two people almost fell out of their seats, kenan being one of them. it would have been disastrous for him because he's already so short and on four phone books to see past his table. had he fallen there would have been a whole liability thing. anyway, good god she killed it dead. then walked back to her seat and carried on like this was just part of the day. according to kenan, who is short but has uncanny eagle eye sight, this bug was extremely small, and probably not even worth bothering. i think that's what made the situation so funny. had it been like one of those texas sized cockroaches, she would possibly have been regarded as a heroine.
ok, that's all for now, i'm out.
-w
huey and i played against tia (or tamera...they're twins) and her partner, "goliath," who is new here. he's actually quite tall at 6'5". he's to me what kel is to kenan. anyway, let me set the scene first so that you will be in the right frame of mind. before playing this "power couple" we had been playing against kel and his partner "jakob" (who is new to me but not this program). kel is white and jakob is black, and jakob just did not have the ability to compensate for kel's blacklessness. sidenote about kel...never mind. anyway, the way they were playing was unknown to me. instead of keeping score, it was just like whichever team got the most books won that game, and it was the best of seven. in addition to that, the two of spades was suddenly higher than the ace, but lower than the jokers. it was weird for sure. i prefer milk straight from the cow...but i adapt. so huey and i beat the sh*t out of those two cats and that was that.
then twin and goliath tried their hands. we all know that according to the law of averages, you win some and you lose some. we won some before them, so it was just our turn to lose some. if you ask either of them, they will spin you a ridiculous rumplestiltskin web of lies that makes them seem like they whooped our arses. it's simply not true. we barely lost, three games to their four. they happened to have good hands while ours were less than spectacular. considering how bad our hands were the entire time, and the narrow margin by which they won the whole game...i think we all know who the real winners were. if not physical, it was a personal moral triumph. and even then, we allowed them to think that they won to shut them up and give them the satisfaction that they so desperately needed. that, and i didn't want goliath to climb down the beanstalk and wreak havoc. so there's what really happened from a completely neutral perspective.
speaking of morals, i've realized that i am the moral center of all the groups to which i belong. slowly, through much observation, i am finding that there are others here who are of a sound enough mind to be in that group. jerome is of course in the group, as is shania. i mean c'mon, we've always been the moral center of this summertime group. whenever kenan (who actually is very hilarious...like kevin hart, but much much MUCH shorter...i'm gonna buy tickets to his comedy show) or tia/tamera or stallone or any of these other nudnicks get into their crazy shenanigans, we always manage to catch each others' eyes from across the room and shrug. because we're moral...that is why we shrug. it's a fact. if you're reading this and you're here and you've always wondered why, now you know.
the last day of training is tomorrow, as mentioned in the previous blawg, and then the real fun begins. for some reason, though, it's just not the same this year. last year i had "james." james was deceived by my uber-calm demeanor last year and got the first impression that i was cold and hard to befriend. we ended up being BFFs, and i expected him to be back this year. he informed me at the eleventh hour that he wasn't going to make it. for a while i did not want to come back if he wasn't going to be here. life would be pointless. we go together like whop-baba-loo-bop-a-whop-bam-boom. it was epic, our friendship. i'll see him next weekend though. i finally broke down and told him that i secretly sneak into his house at nite while he and his wife are asleep and teach their newborn baby (my godson/nephew) three things: volleyball, japanese, and dry wit.
that was a digression; i was supposed to be talking about the real fun beginning. but i've forgotten about whatever it was that was supposed to be, so i guess i've done all that i can think of for now. more new characters to come.
oh yeah...funny story before being out. yesterday during training, this girl, who we can call "wanda," randomly got up and walked across the room (this is while training is going on) to kill a bug. and how. she stomped whatever it was so hard; i think it registered as a 2.5 on the earthquake scale. i can't really tell though, but two people almost fell out of their seats, kenan being one of them. it would have been disastrous for him because he's already so short and on four phone books to see past his table. had he fallen there would have been a whole liability thing. anyway, good god she killed it dead. then walked back to her seat and carried on like this was just part of the day. according to kenan, who is short but has uncanny eagle eye sight, this bug was extremely small, and probably not even worth bothering. i think that's what made the situation so funny. had it been like one of those texas sized cockroaches, she would possibly have been regarded as a heroine.
ok, that's all for now, i'm out.
-w
everybody hates speaking...
warning: this one is very random, and almost pointless...
i've often been asked what exactly it is that i'm doing here.
so...we work with this program that essentially does a summer camp type thing for kids, but the distorted twist is that these kids actually care about learning, so they want to come and do well. i know, it's weird. the kids i'm used to dealing with are as far away from this idea than you can possibly imagine. well, it's true; kids that care about their future do exist. anyway, the way this program works is that it's a weekly thing. a group of kids come for a week, do their thing, then go home, and we start over the next week with a fresh batch of kids. it repeats for four weeks, so there are always fresh faces. in the middle of this, there's always stuff that needs to be done. make this, prepare that, supervise this, facilitate that, find him, get her, etc. that's what i do in a nutshell.
now, here are more people who have arrived here. i think i've already mentioned jerome, stallone, allie, kenan, and kel. there are an endless cast of characters here, and i hope that i can keep up with whatever happens, at least majorly important stuff. and by "important" i of course mean anything i think is relevant to my life.
meet "shania," a very nice southern girl who arrived and quite possibly at this point has the bulk of my respect so far on this program. i will of course explain later. let's see...there are "laverne" and "shirley," who are two gals who've done this program before and are quite funny together. laverne is more out there and outgoing and crazy. shirley is an enigma; she seems to be fascinated yet intimidated by black culture at the same time. it doesn't really make much sense to me, but who am i to judge? perhaps she should consult with kel, who's also of the white skin and equally obsessed with all things african-american. there are the twins, "tia" and "tamera," who aren't as good at spades as they will claim to be. "huey" is another character here. he's pretty funny...well...his hair is pretty funny, and the butt of many jokes around here. i've decided to take a step backwards and observe everything without taking sides. life apparently is easier that way. these are all returning character from last year. there are a few more, but all in due time.
well, i said this before, but for some reason it's getting on my nerves a little bit. back at school, a new member of our staff would walk around and pass right by you without speaking. it didn't bother me much, but it bothered a lot of other people there. i didn't really care because we weren't very close. here, though, i have known many of these people for a while now and considered them friends, yet they don't speak. shania, when she got here, came over and gave me a great big hug with a smile and a "hello" all at the same time. from her, though, i'd expect nothing less. but the rest of these...it's baffling to me. i guess...bitches be trippin'.
it's friday, and harry potter came out at midnite. huey and i went yesterday to try and get me a ticket to the midnite showing. he and allie already had theirs. we get there and the damn movie was sold out...all 10 showings. fail. i was late to our training behind that damn sold outness. i was less than pleased. i felt no better than a tick on a slow moving hound dog. that's pretty bad. i'll see it eventually. ideally before i get back to texas, but my laziness tends to win out over everything except volleyball, and can't nobody keep up with me here. i'm not bragging; i'm just that good at volleyball. since we know that life is a great equalizer, to compensate for my unparalleled volleyball skills, i'm not good at basketball...at all. that's why you've never seen me play, and you won't ever. never. don't even throw a basketball my way; i will let it fly past me and act like it never happened. bet.
meanwhile, training is nearing its fateful end (tomorrow is the last day), and we're in our "permanent" rooms while the scholars (we have to call the kids "schoars"...it doesn't flow well on my tongue) will be here. the good news is that we won't have roommates anymore. don't get me wrong; jerome was and will always be a radical roommate (when he's not snoring, which sounds like he sawing petrified logs with a gasoline powered chainsaw), but we're too old for this. the bad news is that...well, there is no bad news. that's the bad news. it sucks because i'm such a pessimist and there should just be bad news for the hell of it. if it's any consolation, jerome and i are hallmates; our rooms are right next to each other, which means i'll probably hear him snoring the nite away if i'm awake...me and the rest of the east coast.
i sleep like i'm in a f*cking coma. i sleep hard. people literally have to shake me awake, which is after putting a mirror to my nose to see if i'm still breathing. i inherited that from my mama, whose worse than me. i don't know how i haven't overslept. knock on wood. i just need to go to sleep before jerome. then i won't have to sneak into his room and put a breathe rite strip on his nose. he'd thank me for it...him and the rest of the east coast.
lulululu,
-w
i've often been asked what exactly it is that i'm doing here.
so...we work with this program that essentially does a summer camp type thing for kids, but the distorted twist is that these kids actually care about learning, so they want to come and do well. i know, it's weird. the kids i'm used to dealing with are as far away from this idea than you can possibly imagine. well, it's true; kids that care about their future do exist. anyway, the way this program works is that it's a weekly thing. a group of kids come for a week, do their thing, then go home, and we start over the next week with a fresh batch of kids. it repeats for four weeks, so there are always fresh faces. in the middle of this, there's always stuff that needs to be done. make this, prepare that, supervise this, facilitate that, find him, get her, etc. that's what i do in a nutshell.
now, here are more people who have arrived here. i think i've already mentioned jerome, stallone, allie, kenan, and kel. there are an endless cast of characters here, and i hope that i can keep up with whatever happens, at least majorly important stuff. and by "important" i of course mean anything i think is relevant to my life.
meet "shania," a very nice southern girl who arrived and quite possibly at this point has the bulk of my respect so far on this program. i will of course explain later. let's see...there are "laverne" and "shirley," who are two gals who've done this program before and are quite funny together. laverne is more out there and outgoing and crazy. shirley is an enigma; she seems to be fascinated yet intimidated by black culture at the same time. it doesn't really make much sense to me, but who am i to judge? perhaps she should consult with kel, who's also of the white skin and equally obsessed with all things african-american. there are the twins, "tia" and "tamera," who aren't as good at spades as they will claim to be. "huey" is another character here. he's pretty funny...well...his hair is pretty funny, and the butt of many jokes around here. i've decided to take a step backwards and observe everything without taking sides. life apparently is easier that way. these are all returning character from last year. there are a few more, but all in due time.
well, i said this before, but for some reason it's getting on my nerves a little bit. back at school, a new member of our staff would walk around and pass right by you without speaking. it didn't bother me much, but it bothered a lot of other people there. i didn't really care because we weren't very close. here, though, i have known many of these people for a while now and considered them friends, yet they don't speak. shania, when she got here, came over and gave me a great big hug with a smile and a "hello" all at the same time. from her, though, i'd expect nothing less. but the rest of these...it's baffling to me. i guess...bitches be trippin'.
it's friday, and harry potter came out at midnite. huey and i went yesterday to try and get me a ticket to the midnite showing. he and allie already had theirs. we get there and the damn movie was sold out...all 10 showings. fail. i was late to our training behind that damn sold outness. i was less than pleased. i felt no better than a tick on a slow moving hound dog. that's pretty bad. i'll see it eventually. ideally before i get back to texas, but my laziness tends to win out over everything except volleyball, and can't nobody keep up with me here. i'm not bragging; i'm just that good at volleyball. since we know that life is a great equalizer, to compensate for my unparalleled volleyball skills, i'm not good at basketball...at all. that's why you've never seen me play, and you won't ever. never. don't even throw a basketball my way; i will let it fly past me and act like it never happened. bet.
meanwhile, training is nearing its fateful end (tomorrow is the last day), and we're in our "permanent" rooms while the scholars (we have to call the kids "schoars"...it doesn't flow well on my tongue) will be here. the good news is that we won't have roommates anymore. don't get me wrong; jerome was and will always be a radical roommate (when he's not snoring, which sounds like he sawing petrified logs with a gasoline powered chainsaw), but we're too old for this. the bad news is that...well, there is no bad news. that's the bad news. it sucks because i'm such a pessimist and there should just be bad news for the hell of it. if it's any consolation, jerome and i are hallmates; our rooms are right next to each other, which means i'll probably hear him snoring the nite away if i'm awake...me and the rest of the east coast.
i sleep like i'm in a f*cking coma. i sleep hard. people literally have to shake me awake, which is after putting a mirror to my nose to see if i'm still breathing. i inherited that from my mama, whose worse than me. i don't know how i haven't overslept. knock on wood. i just need to go to sleep before jerome. then i won't have to sneak into his room and put a breathe rite strip on his nose. he'd thank me for it...him and the rest of the east coast.
lulululu,
-w
12 July 2011
everybody hates coming back...
good god. i'm doing it again. and by "doing it again" i obviously mean making yet another futile attempt to revive this part of my life. it's not much, but it is what it is. here's the thing about keeping and maintaining a blawg...it's overly time consuming, especially for someone who is as lazy as me. i mean, i'm pretty much typing out of my ass right now.
anyway, the primary reason i am resurrecting this otherwise neglected blawg is for more than one reason. a while ago (at least 10 months), a couple of people wondered why i had not updated this thing, and were eagerly awaiting newness. also, i felt like i could actually keep up with the demands of blawging this time 'round, as i do from time to time. so here i am. and i think what i'm going to do is change it up a bit. while i still will offer the advice and commentary that only i can, i'm going to try and blawg about my experience with the group with which i work this summer, NYSP. the creative part of this is going to involve changing the names of these coworkers of mine to protect the ignorant. in essence, i'm going to attempt to tell a story, introducing a few characters at a time...god help us all...
let's start with me, wesley. i will, and always will be, wesley. as a sidenote, i truly cannot stand the ignorance that people display when they throw an extraneous "t" in the middle of my name. honestly, does anyone know anyone whose name sounds the same as mine but is spelled "westly" or the lesser respected "westley"? those are the folks who i always (for some strange reason) want to put in a headlock and take to the floor.
anyway, it's me, wesley. i never change my name because i feel like anything that happens to me is pretty much well deserved, be it good or bad. it is what it is. so...i arrived in winston-salem, nc from dallas on yesterday in the afternoon. i was tired, of course, and wanted to take a nap. when i made it to my room, i found that there was two of everything: two beds, two sets of bedsheets, two chairs, two dressers, and (the least promising) two sets of instructions for us. i thought to myself, "why are there two? i don't need but one." i put foolish thoughts aside and took a nap. imagine my surprise when i woke up to another person in the same room. were these people at NYSP giving us roommates? really? are we being taken back to those days? of all the people it could possibly have been, it was (insert dramatic drumroll) "jerome," who just happens to be my real life coworker and not the worst person in the world. we have a strange relationship, him and me. we don't really speak outside of work, but there is a weird thing where we have to make each other laugh. it's like a contest where we're trying to find that one thing that's going to make the other person literally rupture a blood vessel from laughing so hard. it's great. jerome is brilliant.
and thank goodness, because there is a whole cast of characters, any of which could have been my roommate. i don't want to overwhelm your mind with everyone, so i'll hold off on that for now. meanwhile, i was relieved about jerome. i had always been under the impression that no one was going to come back this year, leaving me all alone. i'm a loner. surprise, surprise, almost everyone from last year is back again with all of their crazy antics. yesterday evening, in addition to jerome, i was (and i use this term loosely...i'll explain after this sentence) greeted by "stallone" (the country girl from down the street and around the corner) and "allie" (who's fallen victim to the dreaded 'chris jones' syndrome...explain later). i used the word "greeted" loosely because technically i wasn't greeted by either of them. i just happened to be in the room and they were all over jerome, and then a sneer of a smile sent my way. poo on them. i'm passive aggressive. and so the rest of the nite went. jerome is very popular with these people; i am not. shit happens. in came "kenan" (the height-challenged comic relief) and "kel" (kenan's giant friend...well at least to him...who scares me), who talked to jerome for at least seven minutes before acknowledging my presence. come on. i'm not that socially awkward...not all the time. long story short: i faded away quietly into obscurity and dreamed fantastic dreams.
next time: the introduction of more inane characters, and the beginning of training (which is what we do before the kids arrive), as well as a better description of what the hell i'm doing here for those who are not in the know.
peas out,
-w
anyway, the primary reason i am resurrecting this otherwise neglected blawg is for more than one reason. a while ago (at least 10 months), a couple of people wondered why i had not updated this thing, and were eagerly awaiting newness. also, i felt like i could actually keep up with the demands of blawging this time 'round, as i do from time to time. so here i am. and i think what i'm going to do is change it up a bit. while i still will offer the advice and commentary that only i can, i'm going to try and blawg about my experience with the group with which i work this summer, NYSP. the creative part of this is going to involve changing the names of these coworkers of mine to protect the ignorant. in essence, i'm going to attempt to tell a story, introducing a few characters at a time...god help us all...
let's start with me, wesley. i will, and always will be, wesley. as a sidenote, i truly cannot stand the ignorance that people display when they throw an extraneous "t" in the middle of my name. honestly, does anyone know anyone whose name sounds the same as mine but is spelled "westly" or the lesser respected "westley"? those are the folks who i always (for some strange reason) want to put in a headlock and take to the floor.
anyway, it's me, wesley. i never change my name because i feel like anything that happens to me is pretty much well deserved, be it good or bad. it is what it is. so...i arrived in winston-salem, nc from dallas on yesterday in the afternoon. i was tired, of course, and wanted to take a nap. when i made it to my room, i found that there was two of everything: two beds, two sets of bedsheets, two chairs, two dressers, and (the least promising) two sets of instructions for us. i thought to myself, "why are there two? i don't need but one." i put foolish thoughts aside and took a nap. imagine my surprise when i woke up to another person in the same room. were these people at NYSP giving us roommates? really? are we being taken back to those days? of all the people it could possibly have been, it was (insert dramatic drumroll) "jerome," who just happens to be my real life coworker and not the worst person in the world. we have a strange relationship, him and me. we don't really speak outside of work, but there is a weird thing where we have to make each other laugh. it's like a contest where we're trying to find that one thing that's going to make the other person literally rupture a blood vessel from laughing so hard. it's great. jerome is brilliant.
and thank goodness, because there is a whole cast of characters, any of which could have been my roommate. i don't want to overwhelm your mind with everyone, so i'll hold off on that for now. meanwhile, i was relieved about jerome. i had always been under the impression that no one was going to come back this year, leaving me all alone. i'm a loner. surprise, surprise, almost everyone from last year is back again with all of their crazy antics. yesterday evening, in addition to jerome, i was (and i use this term loosely...i'll explain after this sentence) greeted by "stallone" (the country girl from down the street and around the corner) and "allie" (who's fallen victim to the dreaded 'chris jones' syndrome...explain later). i used the word "greeted" loosely because technically i wasn't greeted by either of them. i just happened to be in the room and they were all over jerome, and then a sneer of a smile sent my way. poo on them. i'm passive aggressive. and so the rest of the nite went. jerome is very popular with these people; i am not. shit happens. in came "kenan" (the height-challenged comic relief) and "kel" (kenan's giant friend...well at least to him...who scares me), who talked to jerome for at least seven minutes before acknowledging my presence. come on. i'm not that socially awkward...not all the time. long story short: i faded away quietly into obscurity and dreamed fantastic dreams.
next time: the introduction of more inane characters, and the beginning of training (which is what we do before the kids arrive), as well as a better description of what the hell i'm doing here for those who are not in the know.
peas out,
-w
08 August 2010
everybody hates the last week...
well i can't quite say that i've made it. i can, however, say that i've almost made it. today begins my last week with NYSP (the name of the program i'm working). i have done some calculations based on data i've collected from previous weeks of working.
this week will go one of two ways:
1) it will go by extremely quickly.
2) it will go by excruciatingly slowly.
which one do i want to happen? honestly, at this point it doesn't even matter. i am kinda itching to get back to dallas, if not for anything else, to play volleyball again. i looked on websites for places around to play, and there are some that aren't too far away. they don't have regular times for play, however, and some can't be relied upon to have enough people to have good play. foiled again. but as far as getting back goes, i've come up with a rudimentary plan of action (which is a lot more than i put together when i came out here in the first place...on a whim).
i plan on driving back on the "hypotenuse" trail. let me explain that. i drove from dallas to atlanta, which was the longer side of what will soon become a right triangle. from there, i went upwards to north carolina, and then here (chevy chase, MD...which we might as well just call washington, DC). this is the shortest side of the aforementioned right triangle. these two trips, when put together and drawn on a map (in a crude line), make a right angle (sort of). going back to dallas, i plan to go directly from here, not cutting back through any places i've previously been. that will be the longest part/side of the triangle, effectively making it the hypotenuse. look it up in a math book. it's real.
meanwhile, i'm already starting to get a little sad about leaving here. there are so many things i can mention, from my roommate chris (AKA the dwarf the dwarf...so good we named him twice), who is a constant and almost infinite source of comedy, to tyrone (call him), who claims to be able to sing, but for reasons unknown, won't do it. i'm starting to think that he can't do it at all, and because i know he'll probably read this (because i told him i'd mention him), give up the fake humming/pretending you're such a good singer that all you need to do is hum to get your point across. i'm finally on to you, "marvin fake" (hilarious play on words for marvin gaye), or should you be called "foul green" (hilarious play on words for al green)? but i wish you the best in your future endeavors. i'll be sure to mention more people, but it's almost time for me to go to this meeting to begin the last week.
by the by, i've decided to wish people the best. no more of this hating thing, which i tried and did not like. instead of publicly hating on people, i just smile, nod my head, and wish them the best. the audience in my head is going to love it. you know i live my life like a sitcom. i imagine a studio audience is watching everything that unfolds around me. i'm so tired; my thoughts are running all across the internet.
readyyyyyyyyyy...stop.
-w
this week will go one of two ways:
1) it will go by extremely quickly.
2) it will go by excruciatingly slowly.
which one do i want to happen? honestly, at this point it doesn't even matter. i am kinda itching to get back to dallas, if not for anything else, to play volleyball again. i looked on websites for places around to play, and there are some that aren't too far away. they don't have regular times for play, however, and some can't be relied upon to have enough people to have good play. foiled again. but as far as getting back goes, i've come up with a rudimentary plan of action (which is a lot more than i put together when i came out here in the first place...on a whim).
i plan on driving back on the "hypotenuse" trail. let me explain that. i drove from dallas to atlanta, which was the longer side of what will soon become a right triangle. from there, i went upwards to north carolina, and then here (chevy chase, MD...which we might as well just call washington, DC). this is the shortest side of the aforementioned right triangle. these two trips, when put together and drawn on a map (in a crude line), make a right angle (sort of). going back to dallas, i plan to go directly from here, not cutting back through any places i've previously been. that will be the longest part/side of the triangle, effectively making it the hypotenuse. look it up in a math book. it's real.
meanwhile, i'm already starting to get a little sad about leaving here. there are so many things i can mention, from my roommate chris (AKA the dwarf the dwarf...so good we named him twice), who is a constant and almost infinite source of comedy, to tyrone (call him), who claims to be able to sing, but for reasons unknown, won't do it. i'm starting to think that he can't do it at all, and because i know he'll probably read this (because i told him i'd mention him), give up the fake humming/pretending you're such a good singer that all you need to do is hum to get your point across. i'm finally on to you, "marvin fake" (hilarious play on words for marvin gaye), or should you be called "foul green" (hilarious play on words for al green)? but i wish you the best in your future endeavors. i'll be sure to mention more people, but it's almost time for me to go to this meeting to begin the last week.
by the by, i've decided to wish people the best. no more of this hating thing, which i tried and did not like. instead of publicly hating on people, i just smile, nod my head, and wish them the best. the audience in my head is going to love it. you know i live my life like a sitcom. i imagine a studio audience is watching everything that unfolds around me. i'm so tired; my thoughts are running all across the internet.
readyyyyyyyyyy...stop.
-w
01 August 2010
everybody hates going back...
well, i'm back again, after having missed a good month and a half of blawging that should have been done. trust me, i sat down every nite and thought of about 9K worth of stuff about which to blawg, but then decided it was better to just take my arse to sleep. oh well, mayhaps one day i will be so damn inspired that i'll just sit down and write an omnibus that goes back over everything that has happened to me, (yes) including the now somewhat infamous metro incident.
so, i have arrived in chevy chase, MD (which thankfully is not named for the actor). i actually got in yesterday, after picking up a fellow co-worker (asamoah) from the airport. this place is like a junior college for young people. it's a 4H center, but when we got here, it looked more like an HBCU campus, and if you're familiar with prairie view...
apparently we're not the only group here. there is a slightly older group of kids who are actually related to our group (they're the next step up), but there is also a "church group" here. this "church group" is what makes this place seem so rowdy. it looks like a community center somewhere on MLK avenue. trust me, there is an MLK ave/dr/blvd/pl/tr/cir/st/etc in every single city, and...somehow...they're all in shady neighborhoods. i'm sure he would be so proud.
these kids are, i would say, maybe in their mid-teens maximum. they are crunk as hell. tyrone (call him) and i went out to CVS and mcdonald's last nite to get some stuff, and when we came back (it was past 10.0p) they were all out in the lobby and the halls, partying, even though they had just had a banquet and are probably supposed to be at church this morning. we all know how that goes...party hard saturday nite, then repent hard sunday morning... of course, i'm sure if any of them have a blawg it would detail how much fun they had last nite and how these old geezers tried to ruin their fun. oh well, to each his own.
meanwhile, i'm in my room. i decided to not request a roommate and leave it up to fate. everybody thought that james and i would be roommates because of the whole "bromance" thing, but i was actually paired with chris "the jones" jones. his new nickname: the dwarf the dwarf. so good we named him twice. he's cool though, very short, a little...well...little. we're boondocks buddies. i mean, c'mon, it's a great show. more short jokes on chris to come later, but for now i gotta get ready to get ready. the kids...i mean, "scholars" are coming today, and i am completely unprepared for what's to come. the "umbilical cord" has been cut. james and i are no longer co-facilitating; i have to be on my own. the higher ups are cackling hard about it, like the whole thing was planned. i'll show them, i'll show them all...
mayhaps i will begin work on an omnibus, because the public deserves to know about life above the mason-dixon line, and around it, and below it for that matter.
deuces,
-w
so, i have arrived in chevy chase, MD (which thankfully is not named for the actor). i actually got in yesterday, after picking up a fellow co-worker (asamoah) from the airport. this place is like a junior college for young people. it's a 4H center, but when we got here, it looked more like an HBCU campus, and if you're familiar with prairie view...
apparently we're not the only group here. there is a slightly older group of kids who are actually related to our group (they're the next step up), but there is also a "church group" here. this "church group" is what makes this place seem so rowdy. it looks like a community center somewhere on MLK avenue. trust me, there is an MLK ave/dr/blvd/pl/tr/cir/st/etc in every single city, and...somehow...they're all in shady neighborhoods. i'm sure he would be so proud.
these kids are, i would say, maybe in their mid-teens maximum. they are crunk as hell. tyrone (call him) and i went out to CVS and mcdonald's last nite to get some stuff, and when we came back (it was past 10.0p) they were all out in the lobby and the halls, partying, even though they had just had a banquet and are probably supposed to be at church this morning. we all know how that goes...party hard saturday nite, then repent hard sunday morning... of course, i'm sure if any of them have a blawg it would detail how much fun they had last nite and how these old geezers tried to ruin their fun. oh well, to each his own.
meanwhile, i'm in my room. i decided to not request a roommate and leave it up to fate. everybody thought that james and i would be roommates because of the whole "bromance" thing, but i was actually paired with chris "the jones" jones. his new nickname: the dwarf the dwarf. so good we named him twice. he's cool though, very short, a little...well...little. we're boondocks buddies. i mean, c'mon, it's a great show. more short jokes on chris to come later, but for now i gotta get ready to get ready. the kids...i mean, "scholars" are coming today, and i am completely unprepared for what's to come. the "umbilical cord" has been cut. james and i are no longer co-facilitating; i have to be on my own. the higher ups are cackling hard about it, like the whole thing was planned. i'll show them, i'll show them all...
mayhaps i will begin work on an omnibus, because the public deserves to know about life above the mason-dixon line, and around it, and below it for that matter.
deuces,
-w
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